Finally Free

Today was a simple day, I got up and my mother was gone. I forced myself to get and saw that she texted me to clean the kitchen. I did as much as I could and got dressed as quickly as I could since it was 10:15 and I knew we should have left the house at 10:30 - 10:45 if we wanted to get to Buffalo Wild Wings before it opened at 11:00. She got to the house at 10:50 and told me to pack up a few things so we could take them to my grandmother. At this case, I figured we weren't going to go eat, especially at this rate, but she shocked me, as she rushed us through the door, to Grandma's and out rather quickly. Turns out she still wanted to eat wings. We zoomed into town and arrived at Buffalo Wild Wings at 11:10. I figured we were going to run a little late to my 12 o'clock class, but I wasn't too worried because I knew the teacher wouldn't mind all that much. We actually found out you can ask for a "Rush Order" in which they get it to you quickly, but we still were running late.

Although it seemed like it, we actually made it right on the dot. Today we worked more on our 3D house. It's actually not supposed to be a backdrop, it is supposed to be a symmetrical 3 dimensional house. We still aren't done, but we are finishing it up. After class, I actually didn't get a headache! But I guess that's because my mother told me should would be running a little late, and then I went to the library to kill time. You'd be surprised about the information you'd find in a library~ (I know, I know! That's the whole point of a library...)

After a while, she picked me up and then she brought us strait home. I was really tired from walking. Later, I got a text message from my good ol' friend Johnna. She said "Guess what?" After hearing Kayleena talk about how the cast list for Theater's newest play was going to come out soon, I assumed the best. I thought "You got the part you wanted?! :D" Sadly she didn't. She told me she got a small part and that she feel like giving up. That was the last straw. I had been waiting to give Johnna a lecture on that class, but I thought I would be able to drive back to Mayfield and talk to her at lunch. Then she gave me the idea to call her. (Facepalm.) It was good to hear from her after all this time. Texting is nice, but you never know how to interpret text. You always think the person is being serious when they could be joking around or being sarcastic. But this was finally her real voice and emotion.

I told her something I learned a while back before I graduated. Something I wish I could share with the entire Theater of Mayfield:

Ms, Munoz is a terrible person. That's right. That's what I said. All the time I spent worshiping her and trying to please her and look good in her eyes was a waste of life. I thought she would turn me into something great, she would help me see the real me, but in reality she had me held down with a ball and chain. And I know you can say, "You're one to talk! You were absent all the time! Of course she wouldn't treat you with any respect!" It was never just me she treated like dirt. It was all of us. I should have known from the beginning. When I auditioned for a competition in Farmington, New Mexico, everybody thought I was great, but she cut me to put in the "better" students. I competed as a Friendly Entry, and I scored so high on the judges' sheets that had I been in the actual competition, I would have one 1st place, hands down, and I would have earned an extra award for earning the highest score in every individual event! I thought she chose Mark and Cheese (the other two competing in the same field) because they were better. Mark failed, and had to exit the entry, Cheese only got 3rd place. Then I thought Munoz did it because Mark was a senior and this would be his last year. I was wrong, she did it because she had favorites. Next year was the same. Me and Johnna both had songs ready for competition, but Ms. Munoz told us to change them because they didn't have "characterization", so she made me and Johnna change them. I found the perfect piece for me, Shy from Once Upon a Mattress, but Johnna had no luck. She ran out of time so badly that when she presented her piece, she didn't match the music, she had no movement and she couldn't catch the melody. She was out. I was able to overcome this only because I can choreograph songs really easily (not to brag, I'm not perfect, but I do pretty good.) But again, Munoz chose favorites. Haily was beautiful, yes, she was talented yes, but as she preformed, I realized her song had no characterization either, but Munoz didn't tell her a thing!

Then we get to our class competition piece; a play called "Nora's Lost" it was a good play, but for most of the rehearsal, I had been sick. So sick, I had to go to the hospital one night. They gave my parts to other students, but it was understandable, I needed to be there but I couldn't. They were afraid if I missed too much, I wouldn't be able to catch back up. Understandable, right? But that leads to my next point. I have never had problems with being an ensemble character. Never. But sometimes I felt needed. Especially in Nora's Lost, when my part was so small, even if they cut me, it wouldn't make a difference. I felt small. But in Beauty and the Beast, it was so different. Can you imagine my surprise, after feeling like being ensemble was insignificant, being told I was going to be casted as an ensemble character?! I cried, but I really wanted to do the play. After a few rehearsals, I had a change of heart. Dancing and singing in the background didn't seem so bad, especially when everyday our director, Dave, would come in and tell us how special every piece was, how we all depended on each other, and needed to support each other if we wanted this production to be good. We made a family, and I was the happiest Napkin alive. Munoz never made the ensemble feel special. Never.

Then came Thespian. Another acting competition. I was so sure about Shy, surely I would do good with it. Everyone loved it, and they made me feel like I was wonderful, but all Munoz had to do was snap her fingers, and her zombies were right at her command telling me I was "Ok." I worked so hard to claw myself up to the top, only to be knocked back down by her. I was so convinced that if I didn't make it, I was worthless, to her and everyone else. But it wasn't true. I was ok. I was better than ok! I was wonderful! I could be wonderful! I AM Wonderful! But I was a dummy to ever think Munoz would see that.

Then came the Theater Class Awards Ceremony. Us Seniors arrived there a good 30 hour to prepare for the thing, but we couldn't start until Munoz got there, because she had the keys to the building. Suddenly other people started showing up. She was late! Courtney tried to defend her by saying she lived far, so it would take her a while. It was then when these certain words popped into my head. Words so familiar, I could have spat them in Ms. Munoz's face. Before Thespian we went to go eat at Ihop, before the buses got there, and we were accidentally running a little late. When we finally got to school, just a little late, Ms. Munoz scolded us! Told us we would be the examples of irresponsible students. We told her that Steven's car was giving him trouble, and she told us, "Then you should have left earlier."

YOU. SHOULD. HAVE. LEFT. EARLIER.

Those words became venom in my mouth (to this day they still are). I would've screamed it at Ms. Munoz if I hadn't still held her on a pedestal at the time. She delayed our planned party, and she ruined it for everyone! It became unorganized, and rushed! And to top off the evening, Courtney, bless her heart, had gone through a whole lot of trouble to make a reward just for Ms. Munoz. We presented it to her, she accepted it, then she went to the door and screamed, "Now all of you GO HOME!!" After all of the love we received from the underclassmen, and looking up to Ms. Munoz as a mother figure; you could've pinpointed the exact second our hearts torn in half. We went through all this trouble just for her! Just to have her kick us out. Some of us dismissed it as it just being late, and we shouldn't linger and longer than we should, but that wasn't the case at all! You literally could have seen the hurt on Courtney's face!

Finally the straw that broke the camel's back.

About 2 weeks before graduation, Seniors are required to return to school to obtain a piece of paper that requires the student to go to his or her past classes of the semester to get their teachers to sign them off. All of my other teachers signed the paper without a problem. They were worried about my absences, but they knew it was none of their business to hold me back for them. I just needed one final signature before I was all clear to graduate. Ms. Munoz's. I caught her in the hall, as she said hi to me. I asked her if she could sign, and that's when she told me in order for her to sign, I needed to give her any money, if I had any, left from Alice (in Wonderland. Our final play) or any receipts I had. I admitted to her, I didn't have anything, in truth, I had lost the receipts I had. She smiled and walked away, basically saying "Oh, well~" I panicked. I didn't know what to do, I had nothing, and we wouldn't be able to come back. I went to my mother and we decided we could talk to Munoz and work something out. Ms. Munoz was really friendly with my mother, so I figured we'd be fine. But when we get to the Theater, Ms. Munoz hid in the corner of them room, surrounded by her students, and said nothing to us. I spoke to the others a little while, but she just sat there. Any normal, responsible, respectable person would've acknowledged my mother and asked if they could help. Took her off to the side to privately conversate and compromise. BUT NO. She just SAT there and did NOTHING. Me and my mother, left, I defeated, my mother, furious. She marched straight to the office, and demanded to speak with a principle. I worried. I didn't want to get into a fight with Munoz, the office and my mother just because I had been irresponsible. But it all worked out. The Principle understood. He went to ask Munoz what could be done, and signed off for her. I was saved just like that.

It wasn't until I graduated that I realized. "Oh, my God.... That woman was trying to take me down... She attempted to put my hopes and dreams of graduating on a shelf so high up I'd never reach it. Every single time I clawed my way up to the top, she'd knock me down. And when I asked for help, she stopped everyone and let me do it myself. She would never see me as anything worth while, because she had favorites! She put everyone under her spell to protect and follow her favorites and push down anyone who wasn't. And yet, she treats her favorites like garbage! She only chose her favorites to make herself look good! She took on everything in Beauty and the Beast (costumes, set design, light, sound, actors, tech, props) because her ego wanted to prove she was the best, and then forced all the work on us! Even the people who should have had nothing to do with Beauty and the Beast! HOW ON EARTH DID I EVER FIND MYSELF HOPELESSLY DEVOTED TO THIS WOMAN?!!"

It was today I realized that there was a difference between Dave and Ms. Munoz. Ms. Munoz only wants to make her theater look good, and herself look good. You know why? Because she knows High School isn't important and she tries to make herself important! Only herself!

Dave was so generous and kind, and appreciated everything we did for him, when we made him an award he hugged all of us, even after the curtain went down. I never felt more appreciated... loved... special. And yeah, you can say, "Dave didn't do anything! Everyone else did! Look at how many people missed rehearsal, and were obnoxious and irresponsible! Did you see how only a few people showed up to do the set when we needed everyone?!" Did you not see how very little power he had over people? How very little he had control over everything? It was up to us to be responsible, so in reality, we caused our own pain. And when Dave was a teacher. he was very stern, very strict, he'd try to hide laughter, and go right back to being serious. But he cared about his students, He gave everyone a chance. He even would try to break his kids out of the bond of high school and prepare them for real life. He was willing to help my dad get an audition part for Starwars! Too bad my dad turned it down. But Ms. Munoz never did anything like that for the rest of us! The only time she helped some one with something like that was her favorite, Joel, whom she helped get a scholarship for Colorado! But what about us other Seniors who needed similar things?! She didn't tell me about anything like that, she didn't help me!

So it's nice to get it off my chest. I'd still like to scream all of this to Ms. Munoz if I could get the change though... And tell all of the other Theater kids that they shouldn't feel worthless, because they aren't. They are the most talented, most interested, most special bunch of kids I've ever met. But Munoz will never see that. And even if she does, she won't care.

• Johnna told me, I should try online dating, and I've been thinking "Maybe I should" but I'm going to make myself sound like the geekiest, nerdiest think on the face of this planet. "I have 7 OTPs and love to watch Disney movies on weekends until I cry!" You know, stuff like that.