Sorry!

I'm really sorry for not writing anything here for like the past week! It's just, nothing was going on this Labor Day Weekend... I just stayed home most of the time and drew stuff. My dad was bothering me about scholarships and my mom was complaining about everything she does like~ My little brother just stayed in his room, and my sister brought her two sons over to play with us. I don't remember much of it~ Life seems to blur. I didn't think I should write a blog everyday, but now I'm thinking I should to help me remember things. Not remembering what I did this week is kinda scary... Yesterday I missed my first day of college, and it threw me off since I didn't have to go to college on Labor Day. I had such a hard time remembering tomorrow is Friday.

Anyways, today, I got up early, and felt really tired. Last night was a long night, and tonight's gonna be worse because there's a thunderstorm. Every time one comes around I think the world's ending. But I have to keep telling myself it's not.

Today in my 3D Animation class, we made a wall, which was cool, because now for my future 3D animations, I can basically make backdrops that still look somewhat 3D. I noticed today, that unlike Tuesday, I didn't get a headache. It seems every Tuesday, after class, I get a migraine that only goes away when I lie down. It's the weirdest thing ever, but there's not much I can do about it know. My allergies have gotten really bad as well, I wake up and my entire face itches; my eyes, my nose, my throat, it's horrible! And no medication seems to help! Maybe it does, but I'm not seeing the effects what-so-ever.

Today mean and my mom had a "Sample Day" for lunch. Basically that means we had a little bit of everything. We went to the food court at the mall and shared a corndog, some Chinese, and just a little bit of Chick-fil-a~ We brought some nuggets from there home to my brother, but he threw a fit and didn't want them because we didn't get him ketchup from there :I Oye~ It mad me so angry at how ungrateful and stubborn he is~ We gave the nuggets to my nephew, Josh, and at least he was happy with them.

Today, I also got texted by my best friend, Alanna Cover. Instead of feeling happy to hear from her, I felt strange. I remember back in Middle School she used to treat me like her little baby sister, and I was ok with it back then because back then... I felt like a baby. I was innocent I hadn't the dirtiest thought anywhere in my head. She was my sister, she meant everything to me. And when she left, I was being dragged to the edge of a black abyss. When I got to High School, I fell in... Everything became so dark and heartbreaking. I wanted to cry all the time, I wanted to give up on everything I became a part of: Marching Band, my classes, my dreams. I was drowning in the darkness I had fallen into. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, a bright, fluffy, colorful cloud found me. At first, it had terrified me. I avoided it completely. But then I looked closer at it, looked deeper into it. It made me happy. It became my nightlight, but the darkness still loomed. The cloud then showed me something else: I loved it. I began to draw it, everything about it, everything that it had to offer, with my own style of course, and suddenly, it flew me out of and away from the darkness. I became happy, cheerful, to the point where I never thought I could ever feel sad again! It changed who I was, so when Alanna came back around, I was frightened at what she might think of the cloud. I feared what she thought the cloud had to offer didn't fit the Brittany she knew, I feared she wouldn't like the person I became. So I created a mask to hide behind, and she didn't suspect the thing. I said I was still the same, and some one ELSE loved the cloud. Little did I know I would permanently become that some one else, and the mask would become Brittany. Soon the mask wasn't just for her, it was for everyone else. Friends, Family, faculty, all saw "Brittany" but they didn't see me. There was only one person, I didn't have to wear the mask in front of. She accepted everything I was, everything I loved. But she moved on without me. But instead of feeling lonely with my little cloud, it offered more friends. Sure, online friends, but they loved everything I did, everything I drew, everything I said. I love them. I came across only a few people that didn't like my cloud, but I didn't care. They were nothing compared to my friends. Standing up for them changed me even more. Soon, I come to realize, I had matured. I looked at everything. My innocence, unfortunately, was gone. Having been stolen by a portion of my cloud. But I wasn't hurting anyone. Soon I announced to my friends that I wasn't who they thought I was, and told them who I really was, and they accepted it. I thought I was finally free, I could finally truly reveal my entirety, but then Alanna came around again. I panicked, covered up my footprints and hid. Instead of feeling happy she FINALLY contacted me after all these years. I felt conflicted. I had transformed into something FAR from "Brittany", to the point where when I found the mask I used for her, I felt like I couldn't put it on. Running seems like the only answer. I figured, maybe we're finally on the same mental level, but after catching up on her life, we're nowhere near equal. SHE's grown up, mature. I'm in a world where age no longer matters, so distant from the real world... How could she ever accept me?

• I've been feeling troubled. I feel like my stirrings where wrong. I'm going to have to wait again. The Canadian isn't for me. Even if he's not the Canadian, it still means I'm going to have to wait. I't not up to me, it never was.